what next - May 18th

So today i followed up on some dreams left unsearched. You know those ones I left behind when i went 10 years on the meth road. the whole college road, and I even inquired on the military road. I lmow when I wanted to be an officer j was so against it but dang can I only be a wife? Why am I so drawn to my contyr and its colors. Am I only turned on by it's meaning ? no I want to be part of something greater and since it is better to have all eggs in one basket before I present my case to hime, if I could haveit all ovr I think I would love to gain not only the honor but the benefits of a servuice woman but the greatness of being a ultrasound tech. I am so not certain os other kids. J is so up and Down with the way he acts and I a so unsure on my happioness in the way he is in this family. He says today how threatened he is by our neighbor. hmm well maybe that is because he is easy to talk to? J may be so ggreat in bed but really I wish I knew from one day to the next who her was when he walked through the door or gtot behind the wheel. Sometimes it is so hard being married I just want to run away!